Truth and Lies
by Yr Alban
Summary: Lies leave a bitter taste in their mouthes, but the truth leaves angry wounds on their hearts. Collection of drabbles.
1. king

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Arthur always wanted to be king. He just never wanted to be king so soon.  
>AN: Hahah, kay. Let's go, hmm?**

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><p>1. king.<p>

_heavy is the head  
>that wears the crown.<em>

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><p>When he was nine years old, he stole his father's crown, spiriting the gleaming gold band away to his chambers. He had stood in front of his mirror and gently placed the circlet upon his head, the weight of it unfamiliar yet pleasant. His lips had quirked up in a ghost of a smile, glee and anticipation burning in his baby blue eyes.<p>

_One day, _Arthur had thought wistfully, _I will be King._

Fourteen year later, when he stands before _his_ court and they cheer and holler in pride and hope, he can't help but think; _I didn't mean today._


	2. devastation

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Losing her hurt the most.  
>AN: I quite like these drabbles ... Hmm. Anyways, hope you guys like this one! Review. (:**

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><p>2. devastation.<p>

_i really fucked things up this time,  
>didn't i, my dear?<em>

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><p>Morgana looks at him with irritation and pity, her olive green eyes dark and shining from tears. <em>You don't have magic, Merlin. How could you ever hope to understand?<em> Her voice, however, is strong and angry, relaying her hatred for him.

_I do understand, believe me. _He needs her to believe him; to hear the hidden meaning in his words and finally know his secret, to know that she isn't alone in this. She scoffs, eyes narrowing into slits and he knows - _he knows_ - that she is gone. He has lost her.

The devastation he feels is indescribable.


	3. folly

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and AU elements.<br>Summary: Mercy is the atonement of sins - but sometimes, the pain is too much for even mercy to atone for.  
>AN: Going with the legends and the always fun to write Guinevere-Affair things. **

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><p>3. folly<p>

_can you lie next to her  
>and confess your love,<br>your love,  
>as well as your folly?<em>

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><p>"I ..."<p>

He is lost for words, his eyes sweeping across her face. Tears shine in her eyes and regret is etched into her very being, the desire to be forgiven out-weighing the need to be right, to be loved. He doesn't know if he can forgive her.

He doesn't know if he can forgive either of them.

"I ..."

"_Arthur_," his name is soft and pleading. He looks away from her, clenching his jaw. Tears burn his throat and prick the corner of his eyes.

"Leave me." Arthur orders, ignoring the catch of her breath. "I need to think."


	4. bravery

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Lancelot now sees that bravery can be defined in more than one way.  
>AN: Bit longer than a drabble; classified as a ficlet. Anyways, hasn't anyone ever, y'know, commented about Merlin's desire to die for Arthur _all the time_? **

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><p>4. bravery.<p>

_so collect your courage and collect your horse  
>and pray you never feel this same kind of remorse.<em>

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><p>"Arthur intends to sacrifice himself to heal the veil. It is my destiny to protect him, you taught me that." Merlin speaks to the dragon, calmly and coolly. Lancelot starts at <em>destiny<em>, his eyes darting to the thin warlock. His expression is composed, though Lancelot can see the conflicting emotions beneath the mask.

"Merlin, you must not do this," the scaly creature warns.

His words seem to rebound off Merlin, who swallows and shifts his weight. "Then I have no choice," he states. "I must take his place." His ease with death and dying worries Lancelot, as is the accepting tone he speaks with. Like he has done this before and would eagerly do it again.


	5. change

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Things are changing; Kilgarrah muses on the loss of his Dragon Lord.  
>AN: 'Cause, y'know, it wasn't just Merlin who lost someone. Sorta like the whole thing from, er, Eragon. Ugh. But, yeah, enjoy! Review.**

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><p>5. change.<p>

_it's a cold and it's a broken  
>hallelujah.<em>

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><p>The young warlock sits and stares at empty space, his eyes vacant and brimming with tears that he refuses to shed. Kilgarrah watches him from the other end of the glade silently, no riddle or comment to be had. He had felt the loss as soon as it happened; the severing of a bond, so strong that he had thought it impossible to break.<p>

But, his chains had been indestructible, also, and here he is, resting in a clearing not far from Camelot. Things are changing, he knows that. Things are changing and they will never be the same again.


	6. lakeside

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Enjoy the moments while the last, because somewhere, a lake is waiting.  
>AN: To the bloody saddest - and shortest - relationship I've ever had the honour to write for. Hope it's alright. Enjoy.**

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><p>6. lakeside.<p>

_they say that true love hurts,  
>well,<br>this could almost kill me._

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><p>He is ready to drop everything for her - his destiny, his home, his <em>life<em>. Every moment he spends with her drips with fatality and danger, though he takes no heed, shrugging off the peril with a grin and whispered word. It is impossible to say his confidence is not contagious.

But, then he kisses her again and she forgets everything but her name and her curse; she forgets her family and lack of a home or destiny, immersing herself in the warmth of his presence. She forgets why she can't follow him.

(somewhere, a lake waits for its lady.)


	7. courage

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: He is the bravest of them all.  
>AN: Sort of a sequel to _Bravery_. Lancelot's thoughts when he's going to sacrifice himself to the veil.**

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><p>7. courage.<p>

_we all want love,  
>we all want honour<br>but nobody wants to pay the asking price._

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><p><em>Look after him. Bring him home.<em>

Lancelot glances at the unconscious Arthur. He is never meant to be the sacrifice; not with him or Merlin nearby. He is the Prince of Camelot, his is a death in battle, not in a temple of the Old Religion.

_Well.. It's my duty to protect Arthur. Surely you can understand that?_

He glances to Merlin. He converses with the Cailleach, a look of grim acceptance on his face. _So ready to die_, he muses, turning forward. _Not today. No one else will die today, friend._

Sir Lancelot the Brave steps into the veil.


	8. spirit

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Arthur isn't completely crushed when Gwen leaves.  
>AN: Sequel to _Folly_. I really, really liked this one. Hope you guys enjoy it as well. Don't forget to review. (:**

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><p>8. spirit.<p>

_lead me to the truth and i  
>will follow you with my whole life.<em>

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><p>Spirit isn't so easily definable. It cannot be crushed or whole; there is always an in-between, where the seed of hope flourishes and grows. From that precipice, the decision is made - will ruin be wrought or happiness thrive?<p>

When Guinevere's affair with Lancelot is exposed, the court is shocked; the King teeters and sways on the edge of the cliff, his spirit wane and stretched. She is banished from Camelot and when she leaves, she takes a little piece of Arthur with her.

But he survives.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin murmurs when he joins him on the training field.


	9. refuse

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: His place is by Arthur - nowhere else.  
>AN: Heheh. Right, so, a bit AU... But, still. I originally wrote this _way_ before I started the drabble collection. Cheating. Ah, well. Enjoy.**

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><p>9. refuse.<p>

_nothing goes as planned.  
>everything will break.<em>

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><p>Every offer was met with a refusal; short and quick words fell from his lips as his eyes flashed a molten gold. Until that very moment, he had stood proudly by his friend and master, playing God in the backgrounds while Arthur and the knights fought valiantly.<p>

"What do you say?" The dark-haired witch taunted him, olive green eyes cruelly amused as she circled him predatorily. "Your precious Prince's life for your own - does that seem fair to you, _Emrys_?"

He glared at her openly, resentment and frustration unconcealed. "No," he spat. "I won't let you do that, Morgana."


	10. anger

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and AU elements.<br>Summary: Arthur is mortally wounded and Merlin reacts accordingly.  
>AN: Y'know, 'cause every drabble has to have one of **_**these**_**. Part one of four. All spells are legit Old English, courtesy of a translator I found via the Interweb. Also, why is there always a battle and/or life-and-death situation? It's either of those two or a humorous, Arthur-Doesn't-Believe-Merlin-is-a-Sorcerer scenario.**

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><p>10. anger.<p>

_driven to distraction;  
>so part of the plan.<em>

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><p>"No!" Merlin's voice is loud to his ears, carrying over the din of steel on steel, iron meeting iron. His manservant's face appears before him, his vision blurring as another tidal wave of pain crashes over him. "No, no, no. Arthur!" Arthur glances down to his chest, where the tendrils of fire originate from.<p>

The point of a crimson sword protrudes from his body, nauseatingly and gory. His stomach rolls. "Merl-" He begins to groan, his voice weak and thick, but he is interrupted by a furious roar that erupts from the thin dark-haired man in front of him.

"_Ádílege!_"


	11. loyalty

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: He will always put her first; always.  
>AN: Another thing for Lancey-With-No-Pantsy. Enjoy, m'dears, and don't forget to review. :P**

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><p>11. loyalty.<p>

_the hardest part  
>was letting go,<br>not taking part._

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><p>Even though he is at the other side of the room, he can still see her eyes blazing. He can still see the pride and happiness that draws itself on her face, the brightest light in the ancient castle. <em>It's not for you<em>; he scolds himself, tearing his gaze away.

He turns his back to the couple. Lancelot is no masochist; he has no desire to watch their good-byes and to know that she will never want him. He is not stupid.

Lancelot walks away, still able to say he is loyal to his prince, even if he isn't loyal to his heart.


	12. poison

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Between the two of them, poison will always be the weapon.  
>AN: Guess who? Hah. Enjoy.**

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><p>12. poison.<p>

_fall on my knees,  
>fall on my pride;<br>i'm tripping over  
>all of the times<br>i've lied._

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><p>"You're Emrys."<p>

It isn't a question. It doesn't even resemble a question.

She stands by the doorway, one hand on the hilt of her sword - though it is just out of reflex, a habit that she once thought buried but resurfaced at his arrival. They both know that she doesn't need a weapon to render him defenseless. He looks away, his blue eyes downcast and brimming with guilt.

"Answer me, Merlin," she orders, irritation making its way into her voice. His eyes dart up to hers before he swallows, nodding tentatively.

Something that tastes like poison floods her mouth.


	13. burn

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language, some OOCness and some AU elements.<br>Summary: When the fire is too much to handle, there comes relief.  
>AN: Right, so. Part two of four; sequel to **_**Anger**_**. Yes, Arthur did pass out again, and, er, sorry if it's a bit OOC. Trying my best here.. Also, a bit longer than a drabble (33 words longer) so I'll count it as ficlet, I suppose.. It's hard to do these in one hundred words.**

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><p>13. burn.<p>

_let it go,  
>but hurry now,<br>there's undertow  
>and i don't want to lose you now.<em>

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><p>His torso is uncomfortably tight when he wakes, bound in several layers of bandages and pastes that are meant to clean the wound, ease the pain - though it isn't doing such a good job with the latter. He groans against the burn, screwing his eyes shut instinctively. <em>No, no, take it away. Make it go away<em>.

Childish thoughts as they may be, he cannot stop them or the piteous whine that tumbles from his lips when something cool and rough presses against his temples. He tries to twist away. _No, leave me alone._

Distantly, he hears a familiar voice whisper, "_Gelíðian_." Heat surges through him, somehow cooling the raging fire that thrives in his ribs. His world, far less painful, fades into darkness as he drifts to sleep, cocooned in a protective warmth.


	14. savior

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: If he could save Balinor, given the chance? The answer is obvious.  
>AN: This will just be angst-heavy. So, you have been warned... Read on, readers. Read on. **

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><p>14. savior.<p>

_not ready to let go  
>cause then i'll never know<br>what i could be missing,  
>but i'm missing way too much<br>so when i do i give up  
>what i've been wishing for?<em>

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><p><em>"If you were me and it was your father; would you use magic to save his life?"<em>

...

"Merlin," Balinor begins, grim acceptance and something that sounds like defeat colouring his tone. It sends a chill through him, twisting in his gut like a rusty knife - like he is the one run through, not Balinor. He wishes he is because he cannot lose someone else; not so soon after Freya.

"Please, no, please." Merlin interrupts, readjusting his desperate grip on his father, as if he could simply make him live by holding him tight enough. "I can save you."


	15. broken

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: There is no comparison between the two men.  
>AN: Er, yeah. That was a bit .. Yeah. Well, this won't get any lighter, y'know. The genres are hurt/comfort and angst. So, enjoy the angst and hurt-comfort-y-ness! The sort of .. In-between period, before **_**Spirit**_** but after **_**Folly**_**.**

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><p>15. broken.<p>

_i don't think  
>i want to be alone tonight.<em>

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><p>"Guinevere has .." his King falters, his blue eyes sparkling with tears. He hasn't seen him like this since Gauis passed away several years ago. "Guinevere had an affair with <em>Lancelot<em>." The knight's name falls from his lips, broken and distorted.

There are no words of comfort that can be spoken; no whispers of shock. He sits silently for a moment, observing the broken man before him. There is no comparison between him and the mighty King he saw two hours ago.

He is not Arthur, King of the Britons.

He is Arthur Pendragon; the prat Merlin calls best friend.


	16. insult to injury

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: He has no problem with the magic; it's the lying bit he can't get pass.  
>AN: Er, so, this might take a while to be posted because, well ... My Doc Upload is crazy jam-packed with these things. (I've written up to chapter fifteen at the present moment.. obviously, but none of them ((besides one)) are published.) So, yeah. Anyways, continuation of .. PART THREE OF FOUR. Bit longer than a drabble.. Ficlet. Word count? **

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><p>16. insult to injury.<p>

_lost till you're found  
>swim till you drown,<br>know that we all fall down;  
>love till you hate<br>jump till you break,  
>know that we all fall down.<em>

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><p>"You're a sorcerer," he says blandly. They are the first words he has spoken in days, and his voice sounds scraggly and gruff to his own ears. Merlin flinches, his eyes darting away guiltily before returning to his.<p>

"Yes. But, Arthur, let me explain-" Merlin begins to say, his eyes widening and his voice rising as desperation greedily takes control of his emotions. Arthur interrupts him with a dark look and he pushes himself into an upright position, wincing as his bandages brush against his wound. Merlin watches him with visible fear, terror contorting and aging his face.

"There's nothing to explain. You lied to me." Arthur states, looking away from the man's pale visage. The betrayal stings but the sight of Merlin, petrified and lost, makes his stomach sick. "You're a sorcerer ... and you _lied_ to me."

The magic is not the part he is stuck on; he has always known there was something odd about his manservant, something not quite right. It is the lack of trust Merlin has in him that burns at his heart and soul, the fact that he thought he would sell him out to his father so he continuously lied that hurts the most; more than any injury.


	17. nothing

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: He is fragile but he is far braver and stronger than Arthur could ever be.  
>AN: Right, so .. Numero seventeen! Almost to twenty. :) Part four out of four. LAST ONE, hallelujah. **

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><p>17. nothing.<p>

_ah ah yeah,  
>everything's not lost.<em>

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><p>"Can you ever forgive me?" He asks, plucking at a loose seam in his breaches. A frown toys at the corner of his lips and his eyes shine with guilt. There is no regret - no remorse.<p>

Arthur scrutinizes his manservant, observing him. He is a fragile young man, too skinny and too pale, but he is far braver and far stronger than himself. He, Arthur, would have never dared of entering a city where his kind were persecuted and burnt, let alone _live_ there for four years.

"What is there to forgive? You're still an idiot."

_This changes nothing._


	18. difference

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and AU elements.<br>Summary: Gwen is caught between what is wrong and what is right.  
>AN: Prequel to **_**Folly**_**, **_**Spirit**_** and **_**Loyalty.**_** Yay for Gwen-Lancelot-Affair-Business! (:**

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><p>18. difference.<p>

_Arthur got played,  
>(i feel betrayed!)<br>from dark ages  
>to present day.<em>

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><p>It's wrong, so very <em>wrong<em>. He isn't the one she is meant to share her bed with. He's just a knight - a friend and a commoner whose armour she made when she was just a blacksmith's daughter and a lady's maid.

But it feels so _right_. He does not have to divide his attention between her and the kingdom; he doesn't have a destiny that is far greater than the two of them. He can love her freely and openly without fear of punishment or disownment.

The difference between right and wrong has never been more apparent, or difficult.


	19. remember

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and AU elements.<br>Summary: Without him, Arthur would be nothing - a fact that is proven true.  
>AN: Sort of a follow up to **_**Spirit**_**. Might get a bit angsty; you've all been warned. NOTE; it's the unspoken/unwritten that counts in this one, sorta like **_**Lakeside**_**. Hope you enjoy.**

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><p>19. remember.<p>

_sometimes it lasts in love  
>but sometimes<br>it hurts instead._

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><p>He's broken when Gwen leaves; distraught and emotional. He cannot trust his own judgment, relapsing into his father's post-Morgana days. <em>I failed<em> is a chant in his head, wreaking havoc during his waking hours and tormenting him while he sleeps.

Yet he survives. Miraculously, incredibly, he _survives_. Why? He has Merlin - incompetent, lazy, selfish, _weird_ Merlin is all that Arthur needs to survive now. Nothing Morgana or Guinevere can throw at him will affect the mighty King as long as he has his best friend, manservant and Court Sorcerer.

Arthur is sure of it.

(Camelot falls within a month.)


	20. end

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and some AU elements.<br>Summary: Everyone has a choice.  
>AN: God, I hate it when people close out my open document overnight. (thanks Dad, Mum - really nice.) Anyways, I had this chapter all sorted before and I can't remember for the life of me how it was meant to go... So, er, enjoy!**

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><p>20. end.<p>

_cause i'd rather pretend  
>i'll still be there at the end.<em>

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><p>"They're showing me respect."<p>

_You don't have magic, Merlin. How could you ever hope to understand?_

"Now you don't know what that's like for me."

_I do understand, believe me. _

"I do."

"No. No, no one does."

Indecision gnaws at his innards greedily, mingling with the ever-present guilt. For a brief moment, it isn't Gilli that stands before him in the tiny little room – it's Morgana, hateful in the catacombs of Camelot. The moments are so alike it is sickening.

But here's his chance! His chance to right his wrong, to make up for losing Morgana.

Merlin shuts the door.


	21. dark

**Copyright infringement not intended.  
>Warnings: Strong language and AU elements.<br>Summary: Morgana sits in her little house and regrets.  
>AN: Hey-hey. Happy Halloween? I'm writing this on the 26th, but I donno when I'll be posting this .. o.O. Enjoy.**

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><p>21. dark.<p>

_i had a heart then  
>but the queen has been overthrown.<em>

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><p>There was once a time she lived in peace - blissfully ignorant while remaining aware of her people's pain. She had been happy, surrounded by those she loved and those who loved her. Fear had been a novelty; just an emotion she felt when Arthur or Uther rode off to fight a fruitless battle, gleaming in deadly silver.<p>

Alone in her little house in the gloomy forest, she prods and stokes her measly fire. For the first time, she wishes that she never left. It was far easier to be in the dark than it is to _be_ the dark.


End file.
